Recently I encountered cases with ladies thinking about breaking up with their partners, or complaining about having “no more love”, some asked for divorce procedures information.
But what is “love”? Why did they once “have love” but now it is “no more”?
Love is a feeling, it is a concept describing our relationship with others. The feeling of love actually comes from what we do. When a mother gives birth to her baby, a hormone called oxytocin is released, which helps with their bonding and making of milk. Oxytocin is associated with the feeling of love, it works together with other systems in our brain to help us cope with stress and adversity. Giving birth brings stress for the mother, oxytocin helps the mother to deal with it.
Similarly, when we are physically in touch with others in a positive way, oxytocin, interplaying with other neural systems, also helps us build the love feeling. Have you ever experienced injury or pain, by holding someone’s hands, and receiving social support, you feel less painful? It is your body helping you by regulating hormones. That means you are helping yourself by connecting with others.
For the above cases, I would suggest the ladies to try to bring the love feeling back by building the social connection again, like what they did before when they “fell in love”. As simple as holding hands, tapping on the partners’ back, they would feel the difference. Under stressful situation or adversity, people may feel less love, but if they can boost the release of oxytocin which works with other systems at the same time, our body will help to cope with the stress and “bring back” the “love”.
However, note that oxytocin cannot be singled out as the only “help”, because it involves its work with the entire immune system and other neural pathways. Moreover, the effect of oxytocin is less predictable for individuals who experienced high levels of adversity in childhood.
Yvonne Lee
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References:
Carter, C.S. (2022). Oxytocin and love: Myths, metaphors and mysteries. Comprehensive Psychoneuroendocrinology (Online), 9, 100107–100107. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.cpnec.2021.100107
Korb, A. (2015). The Upward Spiral: Using Neuroscience to Reverse the Course of Depression, One Small Change at a Time. Oakland: New Harbinger Publications, Print.
Uvnås Moberg. (2011). The Oxytocin Factor Tapping the Hormone of Calm, Love and Healing. Pinter & Martin Ltd.
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